it seems as if everywhere you go, change is in the air… literally. the word has become a “money word” in 2008. everyone is using it. everyone is encouraging it. and if you don’t give in, you’re stale and unpatriotic.
it makes you look home to the areas that you wish you could change, areas that you need to change and those that you will never change. like a new year’s resolution that refuses to get swept under the rug, the word tugs and nags at you at all hours of the day.
i don’t know what i want/would/can change. no, this isn’t a political rant, but it is something that a few of us, from time to time contemplate. as the workweek fuses with the weekend and the 9 to 5 disappears, midlife crisises in your mid to late 20s are the newest fad…
speaking of change, what if it is thrown at you and you have no choice? what if that change inevitably will make your health that much “better” but in turn has the potential to alter your reality for good? what ifs. always the sexy hated anomalies in our day-to-day lives.
a few days ago, i received a phone call from Kaiser, finally. for all those who have been following this drama unfold, stop suddenly before even starting and of course, causing a slew of obscenities to pour out of my mouth while at work, you know what i’m talking about.
i am going under the knife next month. it’s a change that i have no control over. the surgeon will cut my neck open and pop out a pea-sized tumor that has turned my life into a roller coaster of depression, elation and numbness.
so what that i cut my hair, lost a little weight and gained some hours of sleep… i feel once again, helpless. my hands are tied in my own fate, as dramatic as that might sound. i will be forced to walk in, a sacrificial lamb, lay down and close my eyes as a piece of me is carved out.
